Renewed Hope after a Messy Divorce
When you are in divorce recovery and your counselor says your situation is one of the worst cases he’s seen in 30 years, you know you have a messy divorce.
This is what my counselor said to me. His words were hard to hear, yet also refreshingly validating. They even offered the tiny sliver of hope I needed to hold onto as my life swirled in chaos.
Divorce happens for a million different reasons. Mine happened due to addiction, emotional abuse, and infidelity. There were many problems before the divorce happened, and many more problems developed even after the divorce was final, due to severe dysfunction in extended family relationships.
Few people have easy divorces. Most of us struggle with crushing grief, financial stress, brokenhearted children, and life upheavals, just to name a few of the problems. Some of us struggle with feelings of betrayal, loneliness, and shame along with gastrointestinal problems, disrupted sleep, and a desire to numb our hearts.
So where is the hope in this bleak situation? I can tell you from my own experience that it is clinging to God like never before.
Psalm 18:1-2 is one of my favorite scriptures to turn to in times of trouble. It has so many of God’s powerful names that serve as anchors when our lives feel chaotic due to messy divorce.
Here are God’s names from Psalm 18 I clung to when the mess of my divorce swirled around me:
My strength
Rock
Fortress
Deliverer
Refuge
Shield
Salvation
Stronghold
God’s character never changes. That’s why calling out to him with these names is like claiming his unchanging promises for you in your messy divorce.
Psalm 18:6 (NIV) says, “In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.” This is literally what I did many times each day in those early weeks of my divorce recovery.
Here are examples of how I cried out to God, using his names:
“God, you are my shield. You will protect me from the vicious lies people are speaking against me.”
“Heavenly Father, you are my strength. I don’t know how I will get through this day because I’m so grief stricken and sleep deprived. But I trust you to give me strength for the tasks I must complete.”
“Lord, you are my rock. Everything around me has shifted, and my whole world feels like it’s on fire. But I can cling to you like a huge rock that never moves.”
“Jesus, you are my deliverer. I don’t know when the day of deliverance from this mess is coming. But you already see it. I trust that you will not let these problems last forever.”
“God, you are my refuge. I can come away with you and rest from all the drama for a while. You provide a safe place for me away from the mess.”
Reminding myself again and again, sometimes several times per day, of God’s unchanging character gave me hope in my messy divorce. My faith has grown tremendously in my divorce recovery, and God has truly been my secure anchor in the days, weeks, and months that followed the original trauma.
I also found hope in sessions with my Christian counselor, meeting with a Stephen Minister, and speaking frequently with my best friend who had gotten divorced a few years earlier. These wise people spoke words of hope into my situation—we all need people like this on our side when we face divorce.
If you are facing a messy divorce, you can still find hope. Don’t go through it alone. You need help from a counselor, divorce care group, and/or pastor for several months after your divorce. Most of all, cling to God through all your problems, and you will find hope in the faithfulness of his presence. I did, and I know you can too.
Scripture to Meditate On:
“In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.” - Psalm 18:6 (NIV)
Questions for Reflection:
1. What are you crying out to the Lord about in this season of your life?
2. What names of God can you cling to?
3. How has God’s faithfulness found you in the past? What might it look like now?
