Hope for our mistakes as parents

I remember a major parenting mistake I made years ago. Now it’s a laughing matter for me and my teens, but at the time, laughter was out of the question.

I had lost my cool big time. I’m not one to explode in rage very often, but this was the closest I ever got with my kids. And it wasn’t for a very good reason either. My emotions were spinning out of control, and I wasn’t making the right choices in how I was releasing them.

All three of my children were looking at me in fear because they didn’t recognize this wild mom in full reaction mode without self-control for balance. Thankfully, since this version of me was a rare occurrence, their trust in me wasn’t damaged for long.

I apologized from my heart about 30 minutes later, after my mind and body had processed the stress hormones and calmed back down. I had to take responsibility for my behavior, which was rooted in many other stress points than the children’s actions that had triggered me. Once I set things right and let them know they weren’t at fault, forgiveness and reconciliation was possible.

Over the years, I have reflected on that moment many times. Not because I wanted to ruminate over my failure, though that can be my natural tendency. No, I viewed this hard moment as a victory of sorts, because it was a new beginning after a major parenting mistake.

So many of us use a single parenting mistake to define us and then defeat us. We make one major slip-up that feels like the be-all, end-all moment, and then we feel like failures. This can happen over one mistake for all time, or one mistake for the week, because the devil will scheme to hold us down in shame through any possible means.

The hope for new beginnings in parenting mistakes lies in self-reflection. It’s taking those moments apart piece by piece, examining the portions in God’s presence. Once the pieces are all out on the table, we can learn from them.

Some of our triggers may be linked to unhealed childhood trauma because we’re simply repeating dysfunctional cycles we learned in our original homes. Other triggers may be linked to stress points in our marriage, work situations, extended families, or more. The pieces must be identified before we can move forward, and a Christian counselor can help you do this.

You can find hope once you’re able to gain self-control in the areas you’ve identified as triggers. For example, if you are coming off a stressful workday, maybe you need a little quiet time away from your children to regroup first, so your anger isn’t immediately triggered by normal kid activity.

The biggest hope lies in inviting God into our parenting mistakes. He is our perfect parent, and he will teach us to act like him in all aspects of our parenting. If you identify impatience in a parenting mistake, for example, you can ask the Holy Spirit to bear more patience in you in stressful parenting moments. Any area where you are triggered is a good place to invite God in.

New beginnings in parenting mistakes are always possible if we humble ourselves, confess our sins to our kids, and ask for their forgiveness. Children are very receptive to this approach. They won’t lose respect for you if you do this. Instead, their respect for you will grow as an authentic person who admits failures and repents from parenting mistakes.

There is hope for new beginnings in every parenting mistake you ever made. Turn to God for help and insight, give yourself grace, learn about your triggers, and make things right with your children. Repeat this over and over, and you’ll be set free from shame and able to embrace the hope God offers in your parenting journey.

Scripture for Meditation:

“On the other hand, if we admit our sins—simply come clean about them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.”

—1 John 1:9 (MSG)

Questions for Reflection:

1. If you are a parent, how might taking time for reflection affect your relationships with your children?

2. If you are not a parent, where can forgiveness infuse your daily interactions?

3. What needs to be examined, loved, and granted grace in your own heart?