How to Process Our Pain with Jesus When We Can’t Get Away
I woke up recently from a horrible nightmare, the kind where the heaviness weighs you down into the core of the mattress. It was early in the morning and the pit of my stomach was churning in fear. Sunlight slowly began to shine through the cracks of my blinds, washing away the remnants of darkness. But the physical effect on my body remained, and I immediately began to pray.
“God, thank You this is not real and You are in control. Speak Your truth into these lies swirling in my head, even as I sleep.”
I knew one reason these nightmares kept reoccurring. I hadn’t taken the time to process through the ongoing pain that accompanies loss—or if I did, I wasn’t listening to the Spirit’s call to go deeper.
If I’m being honest, I thought I had some pretty good excuses. I am a special needs mom, a homeschool teacher, and a busy wife. I had writing deadlines to meet, a household to run, and work to get done. The demands on my mental space were only expanding, and I didn’t think I had time to heal the way I thought was best. Hours of prayer and worship, journaling without limits, reading the Word without interruption. All such grand ideas. All very out of reach in my season.
And so, when I felt the small twinge of pain tugging on my heart, reminding me of the baby we’d lost, I cried a few tears before brushing them away. Whether I intended to or not, I buried my grief just below the surface in order to function throughout the rest of the day. But there’s a catch to this kind of burial, one our bodies and souls always remind us of.
The more we stuff our feelings, the more the ache will sting.
We can’t fool grief, my friends. We have to choose the hard work of processing through it or else our bodies will find another way to work out our wounds—including unwelcome nightmares!
Pain is not something to fear, but a gauge we can embrace. Pain alerts us that something is off. It’s an invitation to dig beneath the surface and see what is happening at the root of our loss.
Sometimes we try to put a Band-Aid on a wound that needs serious tending with God. And while we don’t always have the ability to sit for hours alone with Jesus, I would dare to say that the majority of our healing happens in the cracks. Most of our transformation occurs in the daily decisions to hold onto truth, lean into Christ, and cling to His loving promises.
Healing belongs to the Healer.
God determines what our individual journeys will look like and how long the timeline will be. It’s been 8 years since we miscarried our little one, and God is still tending to my heart. Life is crazy in this current season, but I know Jesus is establishing a path toward healing, even in the tiniest slivers of time.
Below are a few ways I’ve processed my pain when my schedule doesn’t allow for me to get away.
1. Allow yourself space to breathe and be still.
Even just a few moments can make a difference. Set a timer or install a breathing app, and work this practice into your daily routine. And if the tears start to come, let them.
2. Pray all the time.
No matter what we are doing, we can pour out our soul to our Savior. He is the constant listener and comforter. He already knows what is going on inside our hearts, but He wants us to tell Him. God knows that if we release our burdens, it is an avenue for healing.
3. Have a listening ear for God’s voice.
Jesus is always present to encourage and guide us. We don’t necessarily need to have extended quiet times in order to hear Him. All we need are ears and hearts willing to receive God’s Word. Invite Him to speak wherever you are.
4. Pick one Scripture to meditate on seriously.
Quickly use google to look up verses regarding healing. Again, we don’t need long, drawn out times for meditation. We can practice mind renewal as we wash dishes, do laundry, drive, or cook. As we repeat Scripture (especially out loud!), it becomes part of our internalized thoughts, but also part of who we are. Here are a couple of my go-to verses:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.” Psalm 34:18-19, NLT
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” Jeremiah 17:14, ESV
5. Schedule time to go deeper.
Sometimes we need the extra hours of emotional processing. Whether it is counseling, call a friend, or sit alone with the Lord, we need to make personal healing a priority in our schedule. We all put important dates on the calendar and this is no exception.
This week, let’s choose to press into God with our pain, no matter how limited our time may be. We don’t need to get away in order to experience His restorative presence. Jesus is near. He will be faithful to do the rest.
Journal prompts
How challenging do you find it to be still and make space to process emotions? What do you find helps you with that process - such as journaling, walking, talking to a friend, etc.?
Go to the Dawn app’s Community Board to discuss or seek prayer.
