If I don’t love me, how can I love you?: Seeing myself as God does

Self-care is a buzzword that’s often dismissed as unnecessary, indulgent, or, even worse, selfish. We know as Christians we are called to generosity, serving others, dying to self even. Yet the truth is loving ourselves and caring for ourselves leads to a healthy balanced body, mind, and spirit, which, in turn, allows us to love others well.

What does it look like to love ourselves?

Well, my expertise has been more under the category of what it looks like not to love ourselves, so I’ll start there.

For years, I believed that serving well meant teetering on the edge of exhaustion and burnout. I wasn’t conscious of this deeply rooted belief, but I sure was living it out. I found my worth in serving others, saying yes to volunteering no matter what else was already on my plate, and doing one more thing before I headed to bed way too late.

I was your classic “human doing.”

My foundational belief was the more I did, the more valuable I was. I didn’t even think about my intrinsic worth as a human being–fearfully and wonderfully made by God. No, my worth was equal to what I could add, what more I could do in every realm of my life–momming, marriage, friendship, ministry, career.

But you know what? I was so stressed out, and still plagued by perfectionism, because my mental mantra was a whole mess of shoulds and shouldn’ts. I should be able to get this assignment done more quickly. I shouldn’t be so impatient with my kids. I should be able to be a more servant-hearted wife. I shouldn’t be this tired.

I was not loving myself.

In fact, I was often filled with self-loathing because I felt I was failing to meet every high standard I set. And this resulted in me being short-tempered, dismissive, and resentful. So much for loving others!

I remember a lightbulb moment in my counselor’s office after sharing my sense of unworthiness. She said, “You know, it’s actually sinful not to love ourselves because God loves us and calls us to love ourselves. So, you don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. It’s a free gift.”

Beginning with God.

This started my slow shift toward understanding God loves us right here, right now, just as we are. Sure, there’s a process of redemption and refinement, but that has nothing to do with His whole and complete love for us today. Loving myself means being thoughtful about what I say "yes" and "no" to, how I care for myself through nutrition, exercise, and rest, guarding my thought life, and making sure I am connected to God, the ultimate source of love.

I’m not perfect, but I’ve made progress. And besides, when it comes to perfection, there’s only One.

One of the first steps to loving others well is believing we are made and loved by God. Period. Once we receive His love, we are in a much better position to love and care for ourselves. That in turn puts us in an ideal position to love others well too.

Scripture for meditation

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Matthew 22:37-39

Prompts for reflection and journaling

Do you believe you are loved by God fully, wholly, perfectly? That you don’t need to earn God’s love?

In what ways do you find yourself acting more like a “human doing” and less like a human being?

How can you love and care for yourself, so you can pour out more love on others?

What does it mean to you to love others as you love yourself?

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