When Fears Try to Control Us
I prefer to see these things dead.
Centipedes are a favorite nemesis in Hawaii. They nest in leaf piles in the yard and laundry baskets in your closet. They are known to wake people in their beds with a poisonous sting. Everyone here has a centipede story in which the creature is like a villain that can't be killed. We tell the stories and we stoke the fears.
We all have pet fears that we tell ourselves stories about.
There are fears in my life that have limited me for so long I forget that it's possible to live differently. Fears that dictate how I treat others, how I respond to change. The places in my life where fear has a grip are places that I don't really believe God is able to help me overcome.
Typical pet fears are not the big ones that others notice. They are quieter - like fear of failure or fear of rejection. They are more difficult to discover and root out. When they go unchecked, they keep us from inner peace, deep rest, and from the fulfilling lives God offers us.
Here are some of our common, hidden fears:
Fear of speaking out or defending oneself
Fear of pursuing the job or relationship one really wants
Fear of loneliness or being rejected
Fear of letting the kids make some mistakes
Fear of the schedule/routine feeling out of control
Fear of sickness or dying
Fear of intimacy
Fear of taking the next big step in your calling
Whatever it is, fear is fear. And God is greater.
Did any of these fears ring true for you or did it spark an idea of where fear is hiding in plain sight in your life?
I’m not ashamed to say I’m on a carpe diem kick lately. So I have to say - life is too short to be stuck with that and allow it to limit your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and ultimately your life.
What can we do about our fears?
Name your fears.
Fears are most powerful when they are hidden from sight. Bringing them into the light of awareness will help you recognize them and deal with them. Write them down, consider sharing them with a friend. These steps can lessen the power they have over your life, plus give you a needed support system.
Put fears in their rightful place.
Fear can be healthy when it protects us from danger. Which are your fears are legitimate, which are overblown, and which don’t have any place in your life? If you’re not sure, ask a trusted friend, mentor or pastor for insight.
Pray over the specific fears.
When fears rise up in us, we can give into the pressure they create in us and become paralyzed. We can meditate on how big and bad they are, or meditate on Jesus who has overcome all of them. We can choose to fight back. When fear is trying to overwhelm me, sometimes I don’t have intelligent words to speak. I will often say the name of Jesus over and over until calm is restored in my mind. I will recite a scripture as a prayer. I don’t meditate on the fears but I will name them and pray over each one to assert authority over it.
Counteract the fears with truth.
Scripture says, “When I am afraid, I will put my trust in God” (Psalm 56:3). Fear is a natural part of our human experience, but it doesn’t have to control our days. We can counteract the fears by speaking the opposite, the truth. For example, if fear of failure keeps raising its ugly head, write down truths about your identity in Christ, which can never be shaken. Or a quick Google search will produce a list of scripture based affirmations.
This might feel complicated at first or even impossible from where you’re standing. But with practice, you can regain control of many fears by training your mind to put them in their rightful place until it becomes more automatic.
Some fears may continue to return, and that is normal and not a sign of failure. Continue to persevere and hold onto truth. God will always win this battle of our minds if we give Him the opportunity.
Seek counsel.
If you’re in a place of being paralyzed often by fear, please seek counsel. It is a brave and wise person who seeks the help of others when they are out of their depth. That’s how the body of Christ is intended to function - in concert, in unity for the good of one another. You might go to a counselor, pastor, or medical professional. Ask God to show you the next step you need to take.
My prayer is that whether this journey is swift or much longer than hoped, you will begin taking steps out of fear and limitation and into God’s best for you. Only He knows what that is supposed to look like, and only you can take the steps of faith to put it into motion.
