Reclaiming refuge: Courage to hold your boundaries

Imagine a city whose walls are crumbling. You can see there was once a strong, stable fortress that kept the people safe from outside forces. But now there is no care or effort put into maintaining those walls in order to continue protecting the precious souls inside. People who don’t live there are constantly coming through the cracks and taking what they need. It’s not good for the residents of the city, but it’s hard work to strengthen the walls.

It almost feels rude at this point to tell the uninvited guests they can’t keep letting themselves in. Everyone knows what needs to be done, but no one is bold enough to step up and make it happen. This lack of courage prevents the city from maintaining the level of protection needed against the people who keep trying to get inside.

This is not to say that access can’t be granted! There are also gates within those city walls, and those who stand guard keep a watchful eye for which visitors should be granted safe passage and which ones need to remain outside. But the guards and gates are often seen as unnecessary because the walls are so weak. Practically anyone can find their way into the city whenever they want.

This image represents how I used to live in relationship with others around me. I was the worst at letting the expectations of others decide what filled my time and took my energy. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so the word “no” was like a foreign language to me. There were thoughts of what the “walls” should be to protect my time and energy better, but there wasn’t much strength there. I was afraid of offending others, and I didn’t have the courage to guard my heart or health.

Jesus was the perfect example of boldness and courage in maintaining healthy boundaries with others. We have multiple examples in the gospels where He was intentional about stepping away from the crowds (Mark 6:45-46), resting (Mark 6:30-32), and spending quiet time in prayer (Matthew 14:23). He shared with His disciples how He valued having time with that close circle of friends (Luke 22:14-16). You will not find an example of him saying yes to everyone all the time.

Please believe me when I tell you that letting other people and circumstances dictate your daily schedule will eventually lead to resentment and burnout. If you struggle with this, too, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. God did not call us to a life of constantly doing the will of others. We are called to do His will and live in the gifts He has given us - with purpose and for His glory. When we lean into His strength and wisdom, we can protect our well-being and serve others in a healthy way that benefits everyone.


Scripture for meditation
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.
-Proverbs 25:28 (NIV)

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
-2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Prompts for reflection or journaling

Who or what is deciding how your time is spent each day?

What are the gifts God has blessed you with?

What fears do you have that keep you from being more intentional with your time and energy?

How can you be more courageous with your boundaries to protect your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health?

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