When dreams don't come true
As a young girl, I used to dream about who I wanted to become and how I wanted to be a fashion model. I thought it would be a glamorous life to travel the world and to get paid for it. Like most girls, I longed to be chosen and known for being pretty. I even dreamed about being discovered. I tore pictures of beautiful models out of magazines and plastered them all over my wall. The thought of joining their ranks was a dream I held onto for years.
I lived in a world of desired perfection. I chased after other’s approval and idolized perfection for years. I believed the lie that world told me - if I could just be thin enough, smart enough and pretty enough I would find satisfaction and a life of happiness. I strived to be the perfect size, the perfect person, the perfect friend, and the perfect Christian until I nearly lost who I was.
When I married, I brought this muddled mess into our marriage. It wasn’t until I was raising our four sons that I realized how I was chasing after the wrong thing. The person I’d become wasn’t really me. I was living for the approval of others and losing myself in the process. My faith had become a list of rules and regulations rather than relationship with God.
It was a Wednesday evening at Bible study as I was leading a table of women and asked the question – “If faith was like a tree where would you be on that tree?” I knew I wasn’t where many of the ladies would expect me to be. I’d been a Christian for over thirty years and married to a minister and yet I didn’t see God clearly. I knew that evening for me to heal, I needed to be authentic.
So, I openly shared that if I’d answered the question ten years ago, I would have said I was somewhere in the upper branches leading others to Christ. But I realized that my faith held inaccurate view of God and I needed to see him differently. I would be somewhere amidst the roots of the tree rebuilding my faith.
Since this admission and a season of intentionally drawing nearer to God, my faith has become more real, and sometimes even scary because this version of God isn’t something I can control. I’ve had to reframe how I see God and that I am created in his likeness. Understanding this has allowed me to be more gracious as I heal and I grow in my faith.
Our dreams and desires aren’t always what is best for us, and God knows this.
My desire to be a model was eventually fulfilled. Perhaps not in the way I initially wanted. I never became a fashion model, but God did give me the opportunity to model my faith throughout the years to others and this has been both a fulfilling and a beautiful gift. And when I consider that God, the creator of the Universe sees me and knows me and still has invited me into his work, I’m completely humbled that he would choose me.
What we are longing for can only be found within a closer relationship with God.
Scripture for meditation
God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female. God blessed them.
Genesis 1:27 (MSG)
Prompts for reflection and journaling
How has your perception of God affected how you see yourself? Others?
Is your view of God based on the Scriptures about him or something else?
If faith were like a tree, where would you be on that tree and why?
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